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Yesterday was Veterans Day, 2024 and today I find myself remembering this time of year, over the years, starting late "last century" as kids like to say now.
Looking back, I see those years shaping me into who I am
today, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Old bias, perhaps even some
mild prejudice, I was forged in last century ideas and ideals.
As a proud American, I wanted to be a patriot, as a
Christian I valued traditional family. As a man I strove for respect,
self reliance, and strength, and leadership. As a youth, there was
rebellion too.
As a result, I entered manhood naive, ignorant, strong
willed, and energetic to explore life, freedom, and the world. It was
all very confusing for me. Yet I dove in and went after it, I loved and
lost. Made mistakes and tried to learn from them. Some took much
longer though. Old lessons and ideas both helped and hindered, but time
marches on, as it does.
Overall, looking back I realize that I had/have some
disconnects. Sometimes they helped me get past a lot of things that
seem to cripple some people, but also I now realize they crippled me.
I'd get so empathetic to others it would nearly break me, so
I learned to block it, rather than reason or cope through it. Then I
became as hard as a diamond and as course as raw granite and it left me
callous and rigid.
Then, life, or God, or whatever decided it was my turn to be
humbled. It was easy when it was just me, but when I started accepting
responsibility for others and a family, that granite crumbled to
gravel, and that diamond turned back into black coal.
I took that piece of coal and made a fire, I took that gravel and mixed
it with the sand of my soul, and the crude oil of my blood and forged a
road... a life path, mapped from the blueprint of my upbringing... I
built a family and started a new journey.
Without good maintenance though, potholes appeared, some I
dodged, others I hit though and threw our car out of alignment, even got
a few flat tires and bent rims.
Yet everytime I break down, there seems to be a light just over the
hill, maybe a garage... I just have to push on a bit further to get
there, make repairs, and get back on the road.
Back in those early years, serving in the Army and a few
years after, I spent several important holidays and events away from my
new family, in my "forge." I spent time in war and war-torn lands,
observing true heroism, love of family and community in the most trying
of times for those people, making my own trial seem as trivial as
"walking to school in the snow uphill, both ways, barefoot."
It's terribly hard to miss first Christmases, birthdays,
anniversaries, living in tents in winter with bullets flying overhead,
even knowing that in a few months I'd likely be home again. It was
harder knowing that those we were helping WERE home, and for many, this
WAS their best life, as short as it may be.
This is the forge that made my iron into steel. That made
me fight later and make choices to support my own family and communities
that often created my own potholes.
Do I have regrets? I used to say no, but I guess I do.
Looking back I could have done a lot of things differently... made a
better life for myself and my family... yet, if I had, would the family
I have now be who they are today, because I'm sure I wouldn't be who I
am. I can only hope they can see my mistakes and learn from them
without experiencing them themselves.
Do I have scars? You bet, more than I can remember. At
least as many psychological as physical, and I have lots of physical
scars. Mostly from hard work and stupid mistakes. Some scars faded and
left with time. Eventually, all scars fade to ashes and dust to dust.
A little bit of kindness, service, and understanding goes a
tremendously long way, both for others and ourselves. You don't have
to dedicate your life to feeding the homeless, charity, or pious service
to your almighty. Just lend a hand or ride here or there. Pick up a
bit of trash along your road.
We all eventually have a breakdown or two on this road we
call life, a smile, a hand up, and paying forward help everyone. That's
why I do what I do. Even though my condition may make me want to hide
away in a dark, quiet room away from people, stepping out, offering a
hand, a few words, connecting with others as hard as it's become has
become something I value, as terrifying as it is, it helps me too.
In fact, looking back, from my experience in the military,
writing, scouting, gun range, boys academy, Santa, and retail work, I
have met some of the most broken, renewed, and positive people that have
fallen and risen to become not only the best they could be but to
inspire and mentor so many others.
I'll finish with this quote I once saw on a sign that has stuck with me for years, "The only difference between a stumbling block and a stepping stone is how you use them."
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