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In September I had the distinction of turning 43. I’m still on the younger half of the 40s, but I can’t help but reflect on the lessons of growing older as I celebrated another year around the sun.
Lesson One: You can’t give from an empty cup. If
anything this year has taught me, or rather reinforced a lesson I
thought I’d learned before, it’s that you can’t give from an empty cup.
2023 for me has been one challenge after draining challenge. I have
found myself running on empty more than I care to admit, yet still
responsible for so much. I was short-tempered, exhausted, easy to
trigger, and prone to losing it. As a mom of two littles, that’s not a
good position to be in. Taking care of myself wasn’t selfish. Rather it
was necessary so I could be a better mother, friend, business owner,
wife, and more. I needed to acknowledge what I needed AND follow through
on it. By giving myself permission to put me first, I equally gave
myself permission to do and be better.
Lesson Two: True friendships are rare. Cherish them. I
shared recently how I lost my best friend. She and I had been friends
for close to 25 years… at 43, while not impossible, that’s not a
friendship that is easily replaced. The contentment in being ourselves
around each other, the lack of fear of being real and vulnerable, and
the sense of completeness when together is something priceless. Whether
we saw each other the day before or hadn’t seen each other in months, it
was always like no time had passed and like it had been a lifetime. My
sister of the heart. That’s not something you find every day.
Lesson Three: Making friends doesn’t happen by
accident. I can remember telling my son when he was a teen that you have
to be a friend to make a friend. In the last several years, I have
taken this to heart. Actively seeking out new relationships in hopes of
making friendship connections. But it is through intention and
commitment to making the time and effort that I have grown those
connections into friends.
Lesson Four: The most dreaded words I can hear right
now… “I do it.” In May my youngest turned two and with it he embraced
two to the fullest… every single stereotype of a two-year-old, he has
made his own and then some. But for the momma who is always in a hurry,
desperate for one thing in her house to stay clean after cleaning it for
the 100th time, and wanting peace so badly she feels it in her bones,
the phrase I fear the most is “I do it”. The phrase that means my
toddler is determined to do something, most likely something beyond his
skill set or age, on his own. And it is always paired with we are
running late, it will cause an unreasonably category 5 mess or my saying
no will cause the tantrum of all tantrums.
Lesson Five: Saying no is saying yes to something
else… and that is okay. Boundaries have always been a struggle as
someone who gives. I don’t want to hurt or have people go without, but
this year has taught me fully the value of saying no. Saying yes to
sleep when I say no to a cookie order that would overtax me. Saying yes
to peace of mind when I say no to an invitation when all I want to do is
sit and refuel. Saying yes to spending time with my littles when they
want to be held a bit longer at night knowing they won’t be little long.
Lesson Six: Toddlers are the real boss of the house.
As my son turned two this year, it’s been a constant reminder that a
toddler is the real boss. After so long of being screamed at, you just
want peace so you give the toddler the gummies. They are in charge.
Lesson Seven: Laundry and dishes are never done. I’m not sure if they multiply overnight or what but they are truly never-ending.
Lesson Eight: Acceptance and Agreement are not the
same. Age has taught me this for sure, especially as my own beliefs have
evolved over time. Because I can accept someone’s life choices,
political beliefs, partner in life or religious beliefs, does not mean I
agree with it for my own choices or life. If for the sake of the value
they bring into my life, I can and do accept that it is their life
path. The value of what they bring to my life - their uniqueness, their
perspective, their personality - is worth more than me being right.
Lesson Nine: Forgiveness has nothing to do with the
other person. No one has lived a life where they have not needed
forgiveness nor been in need of forgiving another. Holding on to the
resentment and anger only festers in my soul I have found. Forgiving
someone has not necessarily impacted the person I’m forgiving, but it
always impacts me. By forgiving someone their transgression, I’m giving
myself permission to let go of the pain that their action caused.
Forgiveness is about me finding peace within myself and allowing myself
to heal.
Lesson Ten: It’s okay to not be okay. And the biggest
lesson I have learned in the last 365 days… is admitting that you are
not okay, is not a weakness but rather a position of strength. It’s
recognizing that I’m not in balance and by acknowledging it, I’m giving
myself permission to seek the help I need. No one is 100% one hundred
percent of the time. It’s normal to have moments or even seasons where
we are not okay. But it’s not okay to bury it, giving it power over us.
Being okay with not being okay… and working through that season of not
being okay… is actually normal.
I’m not sure what 43 has in store for me but I know this
much, I have many many many more lessons ahead… and I wouldn’t have it
any other way.
This issue appears in the ezine at www.pencilstubs.com and also in the blog www.pencilstubs.net with the capability of adding comments at the latter.
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