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In December many of my circle were rocked by the news of tWitch’s death and the subsequent revelation that he chose to take his own life. Not only was he close in age to my circle but he had young babies of similar ages to ours. That alone would make anyone question or react. But to then learn he chose to leave this world adds another depth of realism still leaving a profound lack of understanding as to why among us. No one can truly know what is going through the mind of another but we like to think when someone presents as having it all and having it all put together that they in fact do. This isn’t always the case.
In the aftermath of this loss, I scrolled through my
Instagram feed and sadly came across a post by a social media
acquaintance who implied the reason for tWitch’s suicide stemmed from
having worked for Ellen and Hollywood for an extended period. I was
appalled by the ignorant inference, disgusted if I’m being truly honest.
But I immediately was calmed by a lesson my mother had taught me.
People don’t know what they don’t know.
The thing about mental illness is we have sheltered and
hidden it away for so long that when we are confronted with its tragic
results we look to place blame in a logical manner, trying to find fault
with someone’s life that would lead to them making such a final
decision. Because we have left mental illness to reside in the taboo,
treating it socially as some misgiving one can move through if they just
did the right things, we lack as a society the knowledge to understand
the complexity of mental illnesses. When someone makes that decision and
their life is in shambles, we can rationalize, even if we don’t agree,
their decision. It’s easier for us to comprehend when the external
factors are severe enough how someone could take such irrevocable
action, such as a mother choosing to join the child they lost. But when
confronted with someone who appears to have it all together, we can’t
fathom why they would do such a thing.
Again, people don’t know what they don’t know. As a society,
we look at depression, anxiety, panic attacks, etc as things to be
mitigated by improving one’s external self and circumstances. And while
it is true that managing those external triggers can help manage
depression, people often fail to see that there are complexities to
mental illness just as there is a complexity of factors to that of say
diabetes. Yet with diabetes, we don’t question the person. We don’t
question, stigmatize or force them through misguided statements into
dealing with it quietly, on their own, or worried about seeking help.
But mental illness is no less a physical illness, one that
directly affects your body's physical performance. Are there triggering
events that can cause it? Sometimes but not always. Sometimes it’s just
dumb genetic luck. Can you appear and appear to function normally and
still have depression? Yes, it’s called high-functioning depression. Can
you go for years, decades even, and not know or it is known that you
have depression? Yes. Just as someone can have a thyroid issue that goes
undiagnosed for decades. Again, we don’t know what we don’t know.
Depression and all mental illness is still physical illness
of the body. As with cancer or diabetes or any other illness, mental
illnesses are multifaceted in their dynamic as an illness and treatment.
We as a society have worked hard to pull back the blinders on many
areas of health often shuttered for private eyes only, the latter being
to our detriment: miscarriage, substance abuse, infertility, and more.
The work has started on mental health. But because we don’t know what we
don’t know, the signs screaming for help can go missed by those around
us. Because we don’t know what we don’t know, we make statements like my
social media acquaintance that further shame or isolate those
experiencing mental illness. Because we don’t know what we don’t know,
we also don’t know how to help.
Helping move this idea of mental health into the public eye
is personal for me. I have watched many family members struggle with
depression, one I watched slowly kill himself with a hard lifestyle and
alcohol to self-medicate his depression. I myself have struggled with
situational clinical depression and postpartum depression and anxiety. I
know because of this I am more susceptible to depression, even when
everything is going “right”. I have two babies that I know have a good
chance of genetically experiencing the same. I don’t want them to feel
the stigma that I have felt around mental health. Personally, I think
it’s time to get to know what we don’t know so we can know what we need
to know when we need to know, you know?
Danielle Serar
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