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By Honey Dog
Honey dog update to all canines
How many of you dogs have experienced this: You are sound
asleep dreaming of real jerky, you are startled when your 220-pound
master falls down and puts a half nelson on you, Here I am 20, o.k. 24
pounds. Then my master brings out the nail clippers.
I fight back but I do not bite, not sure if he has had his
shots. Then while I am trying to not pass out with this slab of meat
laying on me, he says, “It is o.k., Honey, I am not going to hurt you, love that girl.” And he goes on and on while my eyes are about to pop out. He finally gets it done before I black out.
Now dogs, would it not be funny if someday when he is
sleeping if five men would jump on him, pin him down, and cut his
toenails? That would be a hoot!!! He weighs about 10 times more than I
do. His poor life would never be the same after a traumatic episode like
that. Yet, he does it to me every couple of months. I think I will
start chewing my toenails off then maybe he will give up, But I doubt
it.
Have a good day my fellow dogs.
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Checkup time by Honey dog
Well, my fellow canines do not fall for the old, “Let's go bye, bye" ,
routine. I can tell by the way my master acts that he is up to
something. if you go out in the yard to relieve yourself and you notice
your master has snuck up behind you and is catching your poop with a
scoop, that is the time to beware.
Then whamo, we pull into that place with dogs and cats
everywhere and it hits me like a ton of taste like bacon crap. We are at
the Vet’s torture chamber. Oh! Yea my master, my caretaker, my jerk
drops me off and walks out, leaves me with strangers. He probably went
out to you know where, leaves me there with people sticking needles in
me. Running tests on my, stuff!!! Stuff means dog poop.
Then about 7 hours later he prances back in and starts the, “How is my Honey?”
I would like to take his leg off, the stupid jerk, baling wire, duct
tape, oilfield trash master of mine. I have had shots, fingers stuck up
my rear, manicure, cultured, blood test, you name it, I got it. Then
here is the insult, they put an Iguana in the cage beside me while I was
waiting for my torture time. That was the ugliest big lizard I have
ever seen, it just sits there and stared at me for hours, sticking out
his tongue, I could not sleep because that dragon was watching me, it
was terrible.
Then on the way home my master is gripping, “195 bucks, Honey Dog, you owe me, you are not worth that much, I bet I have a thousand dollars a pound in you,”
Anyway he just rambles on and on, the poor ex-drilling foreman
goofball. Hopefully, it will be another year before he pulls this again.
So, my canine friends here are some advice, if you go out in
the yard to relieve yourself and your master has a scoop, that is the
time to beware.
Have a good dog day my canine friends.
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with Secretarial Assistant and Master Walt Perryman
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