By
Mark Crocker
That white cold nasty stuff
I had been only a few days at my humans place when I awoke to look outside to see the sky was gray and strange things floating down from the sky.
I better back up here for a moment. If you don’t know who I am my name is “she who must be obeyed” or if you are human I am called rather laughingly “Lexi May” or just “Lexi”. But if you are human and reading this just call me by my real name which is “she who must be obeyed”.
Now where was I?
Oh yes my first encounter with that nasty white stuff that is cold on your paws and gets between your toes and your paws never feel like they will ever be warm ever again.So I woke up and went to the big sliding glass door and looked outside at this very strange sky and the even stranger things falling from it.My mother had never told me about this and it was something outside of what I had seen before or even heard of.
You will have to pardon me while I use some bad words. I hate dirty litter that gets stuck between my toes when I use my litter box. But what I hate worse than dirty litter that gets stuck between my toes is that nasty white shit that falls from the sky.
But my first encounter with the white shit that falls from the sky was something that came as a total shock to me.I’ve seen rain and I don’t think much of that either. If you humans want to water the ground you really should find a better way of doing it than making the sky that is a beautiful shade blue go all grey.
Oh I understand that you have to have rain as it turns to water and I need water to drink. But you could make it rain either when I am sleep or when I don’t want to go outside. Beside as much as I hate rain I do like how it makes things smell and I can stiff the air when it’s raining all day long as long as I am warm and dry.
So I was looking out the sliding glass door looking at this strange white stuff that was falling from the sky. I turned and looked at my human who was busy putting fresh food in my silver bowl and fresh water in my crystal glass dish.
All thoughts of the white stuff went from my mind as I was hungry and we chosen ones must be fed before you humans. That’s just the way of things.
I spent the rest of the morning walking around my new place of habitation and sniffing the air is it was all new to me.The new place of habitation was far bigger than where I had lived before. I mean it was huge with 3 different rooms to sleep in and a room just for cooking of human food and 2 places for humans to get rid of their litter plus a room for just sitting in and would you believe it a whole room just to sit and eat and that’s not counting the room that had my litter box in where the human washed his coverings.
Well as you can guess I sent a lot of my morning going from room to room sniffing, exploring and just looking around at my new place of living. The air was cold on my nose and my paws started to get cold.So with cold paws I returned to the sleeping platform and thought best of taking a nap and curling my paws under me so that they could get warm.
When I awoke I could smell a faint hint of smoke in the air and the air it’s self felt warmer.
So I left my sleeping platform and walked into the big room where my human was sitting watching something on a big box with moving pictures.
I jumped up next to my human and looked at what he was watching and it was so boring that I thought about going back to sleep right there next to him. But suddenly there was another chosen on the big box.
I watched the chosen one as he was given a bowl of food that looked very tasty. So I jumped down as I wanted to push the other chosen one out of the way and taste his food.
I walked over stood on my hind legs and leaned forward to sniff but my nose was stopped from touching or even smelling the bowl of nice looking food.
I lean forward again and some kind of invisible wall stopped me from reaching the food. Then suddenly the chosen one and the food was gone and there were a couple of female humans standing at a place that humans use to wash their food bowls. I sat down and looked at the big box for a moment before I again stood on my hind legs and sniffed.
There was something odd about the big box.
I remember that my human’s female daughter sometimes at night would turn on a smaller box in the corner of her room and watch moving pictures that had sound.
My human seemed to have been amused by my behavior so I stuck my tail straight up and walked away to show him that I was not there for his amusement, rather he was there to pamper me and to treat me as the higher being I am.
I walked into the place where humans make their food and walked over to my water bowl and had a drink I then walked to where my human had a pile of his coverings and the sound of water sloping around could be heard.
There was another door I had not seen before.With great care I used one claw to hook into the side of the door which was partly open and I opened the door using a lot of my strength.
In that room was my humans transport and lots of new smells that needed my investigation.
So I walked into the transports room and as soon as I stepped onto the floor I felt that it was cold and my paws should not stay on the cold ground to long.
I ran across the cold floor to where I could see a pile of wood. I hopped up on the wood and from there I could see the whole room that the transport lived in.
At the far end the oddest door I have ever seen. Doors open in and out but this door looked like it went up and down. And talk about big. It took up almost all of one side of the room. But what interested me more than anything was the little bit of white that was at the bottom of the huge door. It looked like it had blown under the door and was not part of the door.
I was about to jump down from my wood pile and investigate when I heard my human calling me by the name his female daughter had given me. (He still calls me by that name but one day I will get him to call me by my real name).
I tried to ignore him then I realized that either he was worried or more importantly he was making me my lunch.
Thinking the latter I hopped down off my wood pile and ran to the door. I tried to push on it but it was too heavy for me to open. So I called out to let my human know where I was.
The door opened and I walked in with my tail held high and my head held up.
As I walked by I thanked him and in return he reached down and slid his fingers along my back.
When I looked at my food bowl it was clean and indeed had fresh food in it and to make matters even better my water bowl had fresh water in it and another bowl had been placed next to my water bowl that has some kind of white water in it.
I sniffed the white water and it had an odor I liked. So I tasted it carefully and it was warm and just right. So I lapped it up enjoying the taste.
With the warm white water in my tummy and fresh food I felt sleepy so I walked over to the opening in the wall that had a fire in it and I curled up on the rug in front of the nice warm fire.I dozed off quickly as having a full tummy makes me sleepy and add to the warmth of the fire and the fact I had been exploring I think I earned a good nap.I woke up feeling very refreshed and ready to do some more exploring.
I stood up stretched myself and walked off towards the room where my litter box was as before I would be doing any exploring I needed to lighten my tummy and my bladder. Once I had emptied my bladder and tummy I walked to the front door and though the windows on either side I could see that same white stuff that I had seen under the huge door in the transports room.
As I sat watching I could hear a scarping sound coming from somewhere out of my sight. I also heard faintly the sound of my human breathing hard as if he was doing some hard work.
I sat thinking for a moment before I realized that if I went into the sleeping room next to the front door I might be able to see what was making that scraping sound and why my human was breathing hard.
I sat in the window and could feel the cold of outside against the window as I pressed my nose against it. But I could not see my human.
I could see that there was a lot of the white stuff on the ground and it looked as if I would come up to my ears if I was to be outside and stood in it.
I could see from time to time lumps of the white stuff coming flying through the air and land on top of the other white stuff that was lying on the ground.
Then my human came into view with a huge red scoop in his hands. He was dressed up in a thick heavy looking covering with hand coverings and his green hat that has one side turned up.
I watched as he scooped up the white stuff and threw it off the pathway that he was clearing of the white stuff.
I stood up on my hind legs and placed my paws against the window and shouted out so that he knew I was watching and that he knew that I was pleased.
He looked up and I could see that his cheeks were red from the cold and that what looked like smoke was coming out of his mouth. But he did not have his smoking thing in his mouth.
I watched for a few more minutes as he scooped up more of the white stuff making the pathway wider and all the way to the front door.
Then my human came in took off his feet coverings and put them by the door before taking off his hand coverings and then his heavy body coverings. He then went and sat by the fire and I walked over and sat down next to him,
His hands were cold when he touched my nose and it made me pull back a little. I sniffed his fingers a few times and other than his smell and my smell the only thing different was that they were very cold and a little damp.
We both sat by the fire warming ourselves for sometime.
I was so comfortable lying by the fire with my tail over my nose that I did not notice that the fire was burning lower until my human stood up and put more wood on the fire.
Instead of sitting back down he walked to the front door grabbed his feet coverings, his heavy body coverings and took them to the big glass sliding door. Then he got the big scooper and placed that by the door.
I got up from my warm spot by the fire which was now burning nicely again and giving up plenty of heat and I walked over to the big sliding glass door.
I stood up on my hind legs and pressed my front paws and nose against the glass which was cold. So I pulled back and sat down and looked up at my human.
A thought crossed my mind that he was going to be stupid and go out into the cold and start moving the white stuff that was covering the back area of the human habitation.
I mean no one could be that stupid to open a door and let all that nice warm air out. Or could they?
As I watched my human put on his feet coverings and then his hand coverings lastly his heavy looking body coverings and then to my horror he opened the sliding glass door. It was like a blast from a freezer that hit my face. It was not just cold but bitter cold. It cut into my whiskers filled my nose and cut into my fur.
Yet despite all that I wanted to see if the outside was as cold as the air blast that had hit me in the face. So I stepped into the doorway and sniffed the air.
I took a couple of steps outside on to the fake plastic grass that covered this little patio area that had a roof over it.
The air was not as cold but still cold enough to make me wrinkle my nose up at how cold it was.
Then my human reached down and picked me up. He placed on me his shoulder. So I buried my face into his face so that I could get some of the warmth back into me.
Instead of doing the smart thing that I would have done. My human stepped all the way onto the white stuff that covered the ground.It was so deep that it came up over the tops of his feet coverings.
He took a few more steps out into the white stuff and it was even deeper that it had been closer to the human habitation.
From my humans shoulder I could see over the wooden fence. There were huge hills far off that where also covered in the white stuff. And the trees I could see had a coating of the white stuff and piles of it all around them where some of the white stuff had slide off the trees.
There was an odd stillness to the air that I have never felt before. It was like all sound other than the breath of my human and his heart beat had stopped.
It was almost like the air was waiting to say something yet had not made up its mind of what it was going to say.
I sniffed the air again and placed my paws on my humans shoulder and stood up so I could get a better view of the area.
I guess that was a mistake on my part as my human might have thought I wanted down on the ground so I could find out what the white stuff was.
My human picked me off his shoulder and to my total and everlasting horror he placed me on or in the white stuff.
At first it was not too bad. Yes it was cold. But no it was not wet. Well not to start off with. But as it started to melt because of the warmth of my pads it felt yucky. Almost like wet damp litter. But very cold.
Then I felt its cold bite on my paws. So quickly I lifted one front paw and one hind paw of the ground.
But my other paws where still cold so placed my paws back on the ground and lifted my other paws off the ground.
The cold from the nasty horrible white stuff had gotten though my fur and had made me cold. But that was not the worst of it. The cold made my paws hurt and even my claws hurt. I could feel the cold biting into my pads which was worse than anything I had ever felt before. It was almost like the cold had turned burning hot.
As I shifted back and forth from one set of paws to the other I heard my human laughing softly.
I placed all my paws on the ground and turned just my head and looked at him.
“So you think it’s funny” I said muttering at him.
I was very upset with my human but I was not going to give him the satisfaction of watching me leap though this horrible white stuff. I was going to make him pick me up and carry me in and place me next to the fire so I could be warm.
I looked up at him again and this time I let out a low faint sad meow that my mother had taught me that makes humans do as we wish.
My human looked down at me and reached down and picked me up. At once I clung to him digging my claws into his coverings so that he would not put me down in the horrible nasty white stuff.
Gently and no longer laughing he took me back inside and placed me on the couch at the end nearest to the fire so I would once again be able to get warm. Which at the time I was sure would never happen again.
As I sat on the couch plotting me revenge on how I would make my human suffer for putting me out in that horrible nasty freezing cold shit!
As I sat there on the couch warming myself my anger started to fade. Had my human really meant to freeze my paws off? Had he misunderstood what I wanted? Had he dumped me in the white nasty cold shit for his amusement?
The more I sat on the couch and the warmer I got I realized that I might have been at fault too. And that my human had thought that I wanted to get closer to that nasty horrible freeze cold stuff.
I could hear my human outside scooping up the nasty white stuff. So I stood up walked to the end of the couch and looked outside. There was my human clearing a path though the white stuff.
I hopped down off the couch and walked to the big sliding glass door and looked out at the pathway that had been cleared and then I looked up at what little of the sky I could see from the sliding glass door.
The sky now had patches of bright blue with white fluffy clouds. At the stillness I had heard before was gone and I could even see birds sitting on the high fence.
Yet I had a feeling that the white stuff would fall once again from the sky.
Click on Mark Crocker for bio and list of other works published by Pencil Stubs Online.Watch for Chapter 3 of Lexi.
Posts
.jpg)
