Like Walking in the Sandhills

By June Hogue

It was 5 weeks ago today at 1:17 a.m. that Royce died.
I cannot believe this much time has elapsed
and I am just now coming to grips with it.
I am beginning to clear the cobwebs out of my mind
and to think more clearly.
It all seems like a distant dream
from which I am just now awakening…
except for the fact that I cannot go to the nursing home
and see him each day.
I am now able to get back to the business of taking care of business…
but the ache in my heart remains.
Sometimes I am so bombarded with the memories of the past 4 years
that the tears pour like rain--
the memory of those 4 years of suffering that Royce had had to endure ---
he did not deserve that!
A better man never walked the face of the earth…
he was loving and kind to everyone,
honest to the core and devoted to his family and to his church….
why did he have to suffer so???
That is the first question I am going to ask God when I get to Heaven!
But at least now I can recognize where I am in the present—
I know that my life has changed forever
and there is so much work that I must do.…
I look at what all has to be done and see
that I am making progress on taking care of it…
but it is slow going…
like walking in the sandhills again.
You bog down if you try to run…
I cannot seem to comprehend what has happened in the past 5 weeks---
where was I?
The days all faded together and time stood still
while my heart searched for Royce—
constantly denying that I was living anything more than a bad dream
from which I would surely wake up…
and finally I have awakened to realize
that the dream was simply God’s sheltering arms
that kept me anesthetized through that surgical removal of my other half…
my Soul Mate.
He has promised that I will be re-joined to him when my call comes.
I am listening, God….I am listening.
Please be patient with me!
Show me what I must do and lend me the strength to get it done…
I am too weak to do it alone but if You will help me,
I will try my best to listen and follow Your bidding
until I hear Your call…
”Come Home, Child…Come Home.” ©9-29-11 June Hogue

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